the Here and Now

I have just very recently lost my job.  Worse than being broke, I really liked my job, so it still stings.  People suggest I write a book---haha.  I can barely get through one of these blog suckers, so how am I supposed to fill up a whole book????

I do have a lot to say, which is why I finally did this.  I'm not sure all that many people could be very interested, or that I can even deliver a good story, but I'd like to try.

For instance, I was just sitting here, waiting for a job offer to just show up (after the millions of applications I have submitted) and I can't help but be terribly irritated with television commercials.  Geico, for one.  Jesus, they have an identity crisis.  What's with the pig screaming about adrenaline??  I thought they had a lizard or something.  Jennifer Hudson--please, please, PLEASE stop telling me that I am you and you are me: that is just not true.  If I had lost all the weight you have, I would wear much, much better clothes.  And, I happen to be white.  Of course, all this shows is that I watch entirely too much TV.  But, I write what I know.

All of this is just more proof that I could better spend my "free time."  I use quotations because I have a lot of free time.  It's terribly frustrating, not knowing what to offer the world, if that makes sense.  Not that I have ever really worked a job that impacted the world or had anything to do with the fancy and expensive degree I earned.  After so many years of trying, it's still a mystery to me what the actual purpose of my life is, professionally speaking.  Unfortunately, the very last thing I am is professional.  The rule of thumb is to be more dressed up than underdressed for an event.  But I disagree: I'd much rather be in jeans than an ill-fitting and unflattering ball gown.  Though, I would not be caught dead at the Tony Awards wearing what Frances McDormand wore:

I really wish I knew the story behind this!!  

Back to the point, I own a single suit.  The only reason I could ever think of wearing one would be for a job interview, and I desperately do not want that kind of job! Trouble is, everything looks easy for everyone else.  Does that make sense?  In my experience, I have either become bored or so comfortable that I tend to forget it's a job.  I used to sell clothes, and I loved it.  I was pretty good at it.  But I was not so good at the selling part---my sales numbers were very low because I didn't want to push expensive clothing when it wasn't necessary, and I really only wanted to pay attention to one customer instead of juggling many at a time.  Editing was great.  Freelance editing was even better!  My own schedule, great coworkers, great pay and "easy," meaning I understood it and felt confident doing it.  But the other shoe dropped, as it always tends to.  So, now I have my name out there in the freelance world, terrified if its even possible to earn a living from it.  I was contracted out, not working completely alone.

Which is probably why I stick with dogs: they can't talk, so it's very hard to make a mistake, and they practically expect nothing.  I mean, look:

Gracie, the sweetest and happiest bitch in the world.  All I did was take her to an open grassy area.  I don't have her anymore, but I think about her all the time.

She is literally smiling.  And after, she was so dirty I put her in the trunk of my car and drove the 3 blocks home.  I'm not a bad person or an animal abuser---but I had just gotten my car cleaned and she was covered in mud and God knows what else, and it wasn't far at all.  I opened the trunk and she was still smiling.

I wish I could be a dog whisperer or something.  I know that Cesar guy already has the gig, but I don't mind working on a much, much lower scale.  But I don't have enough discipline to discipline a dog, unfortunately.

I'll have to keep thinking.