Queer as Folk
Yes, it's been forever and a day since I actually even visited this blog. But thanks to a recent email, inspiration hit.
The way things work out in life are funny. Sometimes hilarious, other times odd and extremely painful. What really amazes me is the way relationships can change in an instant. We can go from best buds to mortal enemies within the blink of an eye. Once quid pro quo becomes insufficient one of us is out the door.
I see girls go from loving me to hating me in my job. I work with brides, and while we can form an instant connection when she buys a dress it can turn downright ugly if something goes wrong. Adoring "thank yous" become spiteful words and hysterical dramatics. It's understandable, considering that I'm in the business of "it better be perfect." But it's always a shame to see what was a happy and thrilling moment go to shit. Not that it happens all the time! Otherwise our store would no longer be in business.
Haven't you had a person come into your life and make you feel like you never needed anything again? Whether a lover, a friend or even a great contractor, they can fill a void you didn't know you necessarily needed. And when it's over, it's really over. I had a friend, Mrs. C., and for some reason our relationship evaporated. There was a time when I'm sure we both thought we would be friends forever and ever. I don't know what she thinks of me now and I hate that. But I do know where things went wrong and wonder every single day if its worth fixing for her sake. A big reason we lost touch is because of my behavior, or lack thereof I guess.
This morning I received an email (the one I mentioned at the beginning) from a chick I went to middle school with and it made an impact. For starters, she had read my blog in very recent history which got me to thinking that maybe people out there actually do read this thing. But the more important gist of the email was that something I wrote spoke to her, which is kind of like having a lifelong dream come true.
She came to a school where everyone had known each other since the beginning of time, so she was at a huge disadvantage. You could say she wasn't popular, but back then popular was based on longevity at the school. She had read my blog about bullying and how awful I had felt during that time. She also pointed out that I wasn't so nice to her and while she did not hold a grudge she was happy to know that we were all coming from the same place. The way she saw me was the way I saw others. I didn't beat her up or disfigure her, and I am sure any mean things I did or said were hurtful but also somewhat mild comparatively speaking...girls are MEAN, man! I am glad she wrote me because now I can apologize.
The worst part of being a kid and picking on others is realizing you did it because you felt inferior.
People have said I was "cool" and "popular" in high school, but I remember thinking I was on the outside of it because I really never felt it. Plus, where the hell has that gotten me anyway? I even believed that because I had a fairly active dating life I was doomed to be a dried up old lady without ever finding love. So far it's kinda panned out that way. But who we were then, the relationships we created and who we thought we could be have changed drastically. Be a family tragedy, college or a job, we have changed for a reason. Sometimes not for the better, unfortunately.
It makes me sad to think that I didn't spend every second being nice to everybody in school. It breaks my heart that I can ramble on about my troubles when there were people sitting next to me who had it worse. For such a sensitive kid, I'm not sure I showed the kindness I felt I deserved.
Make no mistake--I don't like people. I am a great judge of character, which is why I can safely say I don't like them! That's a joke, but I do get sick of others pretty quickly because I prefer honesty and genuine respect. I guess I should reread what I've written to understand why people don't call me back and why I spend a lot of nights home alone!!
Kate, if you ever see this, thank you for your email. It was sincere and helped me out in more ways than one.
The way things work out in life are funny. Sometimes hilarious, other times odd and extremely painful. What really amazes me is the way relationships can change in an instant. We can go from best buds to mortal enemies within the blink of an eye. Once quid pro quo becomes insufficient one of us is out the door.
I see girls go from loving me to hating me in my job. I work with brides, and while we can form an instant connection when she buys a dress it can turn downright ugly if something goes wrong. Adoring "thank yous" become spiteful words and hysterical dramatics. It's understandable, considering that I'm in the business of "it better be perfect." But it's always a shame to see what was a happy and thrilling moment go to shit. Not that it happens all the time! Otherwise our store would no longer be in business.
Haven't you had a person come into your life and make you feel like you never needed anything again? Whether a lover, a friend or even a great contractor, they can fill a void you didn't know you necessarily needed. And when it's over, it's really over. I had a friend, Mrs. C., and for some reason our relationship evaporated. There was a time when I'm sure we both thought we would be friends forever and ever. I don't know what she thinks of me now and I hate that. But I do know where things went wrong and wonder every single day if its worth fixing for her sake. A big reason we lost touch is because of my behavior, or lack thereof I guess.
This morning I received an email (the one I mentioned at the beginning) from a chick I went to middle school with and it made an impact. For starters, she had read my blog in very recent history which got me to thinking that maybe people out there actually do read this thing. But the more important gist of the email was that something I wrote spoke to her, which is kind of like having a lifelong dream come true.
She came to a school where everyone had known each other since the beginning of time, so she was at a huge disadvantage. You could say she wasn't popular, but back then popular was based on longevity at the school. She had read my blog about bullying and how awful I had felt during that time. She also pointed out that I wasn't so nice to her and while she did not hold a grudge she was happy to know that we were all coming from the same place. The way she saw me was the way I saw others. I didn't beat her up or disfigure her, and I am sure any mean things I did or said were hurtful but also somewhat mild comparatively speaking...girls are MEAN, man! I am glad she wrote me because now I can apologize.
The worst part of being a kid and picking on others is realizing you did it because you felt inferior.
People have said I was "cool" and "popular" in high school, but I remember thinking I was on the outside of it because I really never felt it. Plus, where the hell has that gotten me anyway? I even believed that because I had a fairly active dating life I was doomed to be a dried up old lady without ever finding love. So far it's kinda panned out that way. But who we were then, the relationships we created and who we thought we could be have changed drastically. Be a family tragedy, college or a job, we have changed for a reason. Sometimes not for the better, unfortunately.
It makes me sad to think that I didn't spend every second being nice to everybody in school. It breaks my heart that I can ramble on about my troubles when there were people sitting next to me who had it worse. For such a sensitive kid, I'm not sure I showed the kindness I felt I deserved.
Make no mistake--I don't like people. I am a great judge of character, which is why I can safely say I don't like them! That's a joke, but I do get sick of others pretty quickly because I prefer honesty and genuine respect. I guess I should reread what I've written to understand why people don't call me back and why I spend a lot of nights home alone!!
Kate, if you ever see this, thank you for your email. It was sincere and helped me out in more ways than one.
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