Brown Sugar

At the risk of offending anyone, being politically incorrect or even ignorant I write this.  Please try to think of this as Chelsea Handler's love for little people, or "nuggets" as she calls them.  I have nothing but a silly infatuation with a certain group of people in this world and I mean no harm.  Honestly, its funny because it is so random: I love fat black people.  Love them.  And don't even get me started on fat black kids.  I just want to walk in front of them and keep bad or mean people away.  If someone said something nasty, I would probably yell back profanities as if they had insulted my mother.  I just want to wrap up a big fat black man in a blanket and carry him everywhere.

This affection came to me rather late in life, but I am only 30, so I don't know how much credit that holds.  Anyway, I was at a movie theater one crowded Sunday and saw a black man with an older black woman.  In my head I assumed they were mother and son or nephew and aunt, family at least.  This man was tall and had a black t-shirt on tucked into his jeans, and he had some extra meat on him.  It took all I had not to run up and hug him silly.  I even think he had on a Jesus t-shirt, which makes it even more special!  I realize I am not known for my Christianity, but I love me a black person in a Jesus t-shirt.  White people in them, ehhh…not so much and I cannot explain it.  But throw in a pinch of faithful with my black teddy bear and I melt.

Now, there are exceptions.  I don't think Biggie and I would have clicked as well as say, the kid in the "Nutty Professor" movies or the one from "The Blind Side."  It's a love so strong it's almost an empathy for them…but how I don't know.  I guess I just want them to have a beautiful life without any harm.  Maybe I see them as easy targets and I don't think its fair?  Overweight people in America have a difficult time, and black people have struggles, so mixing them together is double trouble.

Sadly, I am not so in love with a lot of fat black woman.  I realize I have a prejudice here, but they don't bother me.  I just don't have the same feelings.  I might be more inclined to babysit for friends if they were having black babies.

I'd like to think that during the Civil Rights Movement I would have been on the side for equal rights.  Growing up Martin Luther King was my hero--I knew everything about him and thought he was worthy of sainthood.  I'm not kidding, I was 8 or 9 years old when I started reading his biographies.  He's an excellent role model.  I don't believe I am a bigot or prejudice or racist.  I don't always see color when interacting with other people.  But I admit, I am not perfect and I have stereotyped; I'd be lying if I said I didn't.  I've also done the same of my fellow Caucasians.

As I saw my appreciation for fat black people grow I mentioned it to my family one night.  We were having a nice dinner in a restaurant, surely listening to one of my brother's hilarious stories.  He really tells the best stories.  It's an impossible act to follow, so I don't.  I just announce things, such as "Hey, I LOVE fat black people!" when I have a turn to talk.  I got looks and "shhs'" from everyone, but I failed to find the problem.  African Americans know they are black, I certainly wasn't telling a kid there's no Santa or Easter Bunny.  Who knows, my dad and brother might have been trying to shut me up simply because I can be super annoying after cocktails and wine.

I have never gone up to another person or an object of my affection and told them how I feel.  I prefer to love from a distance because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.  Plus, I could accidentally offend someone: either by pointing out they are fat or mentioning their skin color (which confuses me because why would someone be offended if their race is pointed out?  They already know!).  I've had a run-in with an angry black woman and I don't want to ever deal with that again!

I was driving home from work one afternoon and saw a larger man sitting at a bus stop asking for $1.00 or something like that for bus fare.  He had on what looked like a security uniform and it was super hot.  I drove around about three times trying to get the red light in front of him, and when I reached out to hand him the money, he kind of grunted when he got up and said, "thank ya, bless ya."  Imagine how heartbroken I was when I saw him across town a year later with the same damn sign in the same damn uniform!!!!  It was as if he cheated on me.  Either he waits for free rides home or he sits on a bench all day asking for bus fare.  Oh well, it definitely wasn't the first time, regardless of weight or skin color.