Hey God, Could We Get Together for a Quick Lunch Next Week? I'm Pretty Available, So Whatever Works for You...

My upbringing was pretty faith-based.  I went to religious private schools from Kindergarten through high school, and then ended up in the Baptist capital of the world at Baylor in Waco, Texas (where I met many party animals and saw crazy stuff in a place supposedly known for being very religious).  My mom was raised a southern Baptist, the kind that doesn't do anything on Sunday but go to church.  Ironically, her first smoke and drink were at Baylor University.  When she met and married my dad she moved over to his Episcopalian sect, and they go to the same church my dad did growing up, and it's really a better fit for her in my opinion.  I spent Sundays in the church and in Sunday School.  I can honestly say, without a single doubt in my mind that I never heard one sermon in its entirety.  I either got distracted or lost interest.  I became an acolyte in order to skip that stuff and hang out with other kids my age and talk.  But I doubt that is what the church had in mind when the acolyte came to be.

I spent a very large amount of time in my youth sitting in a church or a chapel.  It's one of the caveats of private school.  That and the uniforms.  My high school required four religion courses, and college required way more…chapel and religion courses.  And worst of all, after all that time and studying and sitting and pretending to sing, I still don't understand any of it!  Jesus is the Son of God, right?  But am I supposed to pray to Jesus or God?  Because if there is a difference, it might explain why a LOT of my prayers have not been answered!  Plus, there is actual proof of evolution.  So why was I taught that God made Adam and then Adam so kindly gave a rib for Eve?  Where did I lose track?

My mom recently gave me a gift app for my iPad, "Jesus Calling."  It has inspirational musings on scriptures and God's word.  One thing I love about my mom is that she allows me to doubt, question and search for enlightenment and faith, yet never gives up on her faith.  I do read it.  But I got very curious: where is this author of "Jesus Calling" getting her information?  Does God tell her, or does she think God tells her?  And, is she right?  Am I supposed to agree because she told me her spiritual affirmation?  Her interpretation must be pretty admirable if Apple let her in the club.

What really scares me is that some people take this stuff literally.  What is written in the Bible a million years ago is not what applies to today's society.  All the religulous freaks who think homosexuality is a sin and an abomination might think about what being a Christian really means.  If there is a Powerful and Almighty God, He allowed same sex relationships so clearly God doesn't have a problem, otherwise wouldn't the world have ended already?  Holy Hell, Catholics are molesting children!!!!

As long as people want to worship whatever they want, they have the right, as long as they are not causing any harm.  Whatever gets you out of bed in the morning, have at it.  My mom is a great example: she believes, and it gets her through whatever challenge comes her way.  Lots of people can stick together and worship they way they want, so why are people unsatisfied with such a privilege?

I admit, more times than not I feel that said Higher Power has given up on me, whatever that power may be.  "Things happen for a reason," and, "It's God's plan" have reverberated through my ears over 20 years.  Well, I can think of one time I prayed for something and it actually turned out to be my so-called "plan."  I lost people in my life entirely too early.  I have faced sickness and witnessed destruction, loss and unimaginable grief, so forgive my hesitancy in jumping on the Jesus bandwagon.  Or is it the God bandwagon?  SEE!  I don't know!

Lent is upon us, I have been told.  So, I decided to give up cokes, mainly to see if I could.  I woke up the other morning already in a foul mood and thought, "I have no job, no boyfriend, no life and I am depriving myself the one thing I not only have access to but absolutely love.  I love cokes.  The syrupy and carbonated mixture slides down my throat on a ride of joy and elation.  A canned coke even kinda shapes your mouth into a smile, you know?  It makes me happy.  So do I cave because everything else kinda sucks?  How long ago did this Hell start, and how much longer do I have to wait?  And what is the point again?!

All that time in an environment of religion and faith, and I can't recall many biblical stories or lessons.  When I was a kid we were showed these cartoons of biblical stories, and I clearly remember telling my mom when I got home that I never wanted to go to Heaven because I did not want to wear the shoes like Jesus'.  That's what I took from my private school education.