Bitcher Perfect

Those who know me well know that I have a strong aversion to Facebook.  I think the idea is great: it's a good way to find old friends, promote things or people (like my blog!) and helpful when looking for contact information.  But I never check it.  The minute the Facebook news feed comes up on my screen I become irritable.  Maybe it's a bit of my Social Anxiety Disorder kicking in, but I just don't like it.  There are pictures, stories and comments everywhere, and for lack of a better description, it makes me wonder what I've been missing out on.

Obviously the world is free to go about its business without involving me in everything, but I've learned to play it a bit smarter.  I delete people that I never see or speak with unless I need their information, such as email address, or even email through Facebook.  I know I am not the only person who feels this way, either.  I admit that it's very hard to pick and choose what information you care about, such as people's children or vacations.  For example, I don't need to see 46 pictures of your kid from one event or album, like sitting in the wildflowers.  Its picture after picture of the same thing.  Mix it up!  Or post less, whatever.  Same with vacations, but the difference is that I'm über jealous!

Not to be misunderstood, I love seeing my friend's kids here and there, especially if they're out of town.  My friend Kaitlin has it figured out--she'll post a few from different trips or occasions.  But what confuses me the very most is this: why are people posting about their kids when the account is in their name?  Is it because the kid is their life?  Let's use status updates for our own selves.  I sent you the friend request, not little Amy or Pete.  

This is a good example of an appropriate post.  

This is not.  It's stupid.

While I stay away from the world's #1 media site, I love Instagram and Twitter.  Quick, funny bits and nothing else.  The saddest thing is that I actually prefer to follow celebrities and get a peek into their private lives!  So I guess I'm up a creek without a paddle now that Facebook purchased Instagram for 1 billion dollars.  Jeez.

The Instagram app

Having said that, the other day turned into a tornado of anxiety for me.  While tracking down my favorite Hollywood babe, Emma Stone, I saw a friend's picture and clicked on it.  Somehow I ended up on a friend of a friend (maybe even once more over).  We all do this: find ourselves going through someone's page or pictures that we have never met.  It's easy to get caught up in the lives of those possibly more interesting than us.  But this was a train wreck and I couldn't not look.  Here was a girl, not much younger than me and very attractive.  From her pictures it was clear she has quite a bit of money and lives a pretty luxe life.  From what I could tell she had been to balls and galas and has some kind of business.  There were also obnoxious pictures, such as trying on dresses and asking followers which one should she buy (YSL or Gucci).  Spare me.

I felt gross and a bit like a loser, to be honest.  All those questions that we ask ourselves popped into my head.  "Will I ever find a guy,?" "Am I happy?  Is she happy?" and the irrepressible "What am I doing with my life?"  There are those people out there, the Princess Kates of the world.  Beautiful, gorgeous hair, clear skin, hot body and is a friggin' princess.  Where is the flaw?  Everyone is always told that nobody's perfect, everyone struggles with something.  But in these situations, what is it?  Can she not have an orgasm?  Does she have halitosis?  Stupid?  If she is, so what!  These girls also make it look easy to have.

My reaction lasted a day or two, feeling mostly unsophisticated and shlubby.  I couldn't stop thinking about these women and then my life.  I wrote a blog giving advice to shop at the Gap while Instagram Girl is up close and personal at fashion shows.  Social events versus picking up (a lot of) dog poop.  But I finally accepted it.  I'm stuck with myself.  Knowing me, I'd have no clue what to do with "it all," or I'd lose it, so I guess its better I not have had it in the first place.  I've said before that I have no regrets and I don't, and even when looking at such perfect people I wouldn't change a single move I made.  Without getting too intense or serious, I've had troubles…hell, I have so much baggage I answer to "Samsonite!"  And this is just how it is.

In the meantime, though, I am going to spend lots of time with the Face in Hole application:

Take THAT Princess Kate and Instagram Chick!!!