I'm Back

For the 3 people out there that actually read this (thank you by the way), yes, it's been quite a while since I posted.  And a lot's happened...and really not that much has changed.

My big brother got married, family members had babies...yada, yada.  This blog is about me and my perspective on my ridiculous life, so that's what I am going to write about.

So, I've dipped my toe--actually, it's up to my calf--in the dating pool.  It's brutal.  It's gruesome, not for the feint of heart or thin-skinned.  There is absolutely no shortage of freaks, stupidity or heartbreak.  I should know, I have been in love 7.4 times since October.

I've learned that sadly, the worst thing a guy can give a single girl is hope.  A promise.  I've learned that opening car doors, paying the check and an amazing good night kiss don't amount to anything if he doesn't text back.  Karma is surely out there and so is my phone number, unfortunately!  I've been humiliated, adored, stood up, ridiculed, surprised, complimented and confused.  I've cried so hard and felt like such a loser that I considered moving to Vermont and becoming a farmer.

Distance has been no obstacle: I've driven north and south looking for Mr. Right.  I've embarrassed myself, been catfished and kissed more frogs than I can count.  Sadly more than one penis picture has been sent my way and a couple too many requests for pictures of my feet.  I shudder sitting here thinking about it.

There are single doctors, lawyers, bartenders, key-fob collectors (yes that's apparently a career), mechanics, "entrepreneurs"and many, many more out there.  So why aren't any of them the right guy for me?

Because I am not the right girl for them.  In a big, big way.  I'm a whole lot to take, probably too much.  I talk too much, hate playing the game, say things like they are and am (embarrassingly) admittedly very eager to find someone to accept my love.  I'm also impatient and know my worth so I get very frustrated when a guy can't realize right away how amazing I am and fall madly in love with me.  Isn't that what all those movies have taught us??  It doesn't matter how obnoxious or ridiculous you are, the handsome guy becomes smitten and they live happily ever after...I'm here to tell you 14-year-old girls that is exactly not what happens!

There's no rhyme, reason or mathematical equation that can explain how it all works out and people end up with one another.  It's like they say on "Seinfeld":

Jerry: What percentage of the population do you think is good looking?
Elaine: Like twenty, twenty-five percent.
Elaine: How are all these people getting together?

Jerry: Alcohol.