Think Like a Man? Please Don't.

With all due respect, the men in my life are stupid.  They are complete idiots.  It's not something they can control, either, which makes it good and bad--good because they don't mean to harm, bad because they don't know they are being hurtful.

I am a big reader and I love it.  But a few months ago my dad said something that was so hurtful it ruined my entire weekend.  Yes, he knows I have always been an avid reader, but when he "apologized" he tried to explain why he said it: he thought that I had read some book--The Indian Chief, the Red Indian, I honestly can't remember.  He was quoting a line from the book in response to something I had said.  That's a gamble no man should take, assuming I'd read some book I'd never heard of.

An apology from a man in my family is like no other experience, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!  "I'M SORRY!  I'M SORRY, OKAY?"  They kinda yell it with a very frustrated tone.  Here's the best part: they are over it in .2 seconds.  I'm not kidding, everything is just back to normal.  That's not really how a woman works.

Like I said, the worst part is that its over for them in a matter of milliseconds.  You know when you were young and your mom would be angry with you, but then the phone would ring and she'd answer it all cheerful?  Its similar.  I've seen my dad make one of his aggressive apologies to my mom, and once she said "it's okay," he segued into "So, what do you want to do for dinner?  Want a glass of wine?"  Uh, OF COURSE she wants a glass of wine!  And just like that, POOF, all is well again.  For him.

So, from this...

…to THIS

While I know the guys will be less than ecstatic I am writing about this, my dad will be pleased to be portrayed as Henry Fonda.

Of course this is not every single situation.  There have been many sincere and heartfelt apologies along the way, so maybe they make up for the crappy ones…I don't know.  I'm a sensitive gal and always have been. I would cry at the drop of a hat from about 9 years old to today.  I've said before that it's a good thing my dad has a son--I just think he would have some difficulty with two daughters and a wife.  He's not a bad guy at all, he just wants it to be over.  My brother is the same way, and I have unfortunately discovered I have some of the characteristics.  They are frustrated because something is wrong and they want it to be OK.  I believe part of them feels a little embarrassed or ashamed that they've done something "wrong."  If that's true or not I don't care--it's helped me through the years!

It took about 20 years of observations and some therapy to realize how they handle things.  I learned that not only are we all so very different, but they are 99% rational and logical, while I've been 99.9% emotional.  If either of them are getting upset over something that I have no control over I just say, "Hey, check your tone with me.  I have nothing to do with this."  Then we all laugh and eat cotton candy.

NOT.
Because it doesn't always work.  Who the hell wants to be told they're acting stupid???


What I find humorous (because really there is no other way of looking at it is all the time and energy I put into therapy and learning to adapt to people and situations because they will never change.  I do all the work!  But it's worth it and I love my family more than anything.  The best thing about family is this: you can bitch about them publicly (such as in a blog) and they have to forgive you.

The sweet and tender moments I have with both my brother and dad outnumber the frustrating and crummy apologies.  When I had to leave camp for a few days and then got stuck in Dallas my brother drove me back, only to turn back around and return to Dallas.  My dad taught me to read with the Sunday comics in the paper, and to this day he still saves them for me.  They have both indulged me in a few summer blockbuster movies.  That's what I'll really remember and the memories I keep in my heart.