The Family Dinner

Growing up we were obligated to have dinner as a family at the table.  No TV, no books, no phone.  This was before DVR and cell phones, so it might sound "worse" today than it actually was, but looking back I think my dad had the right idea.  It was really his rule and made no sense to me whatsoever.  It definitely did later in life.

In college (at the first one I went to) I took a Health and Humanities class that discussed the family dynamic for a period.  In it I learned that, statistically, kids are less likely to become addicted to drugs, lie to their parents, get pregnant, etc., and in turn can develop a strong bond with their folks and/or family.  Two years before when my parents would ask about my day during dinner and they turned into actual conversations (just not when I was sparring with my dad).  Because of those dinners a line of communication and trust was formed.  It was in that class that I realized how powerful a meatloaf can become.

I didn't do drugs, at least not the really hard stuff, but neither did my brother.  While that may qualify me as uninteresting, its fine.  I really don't need to be "up" in such a way that makes coming down a bummer.  My parents are still married, they still talk and even make each other laugh.  While things are still far from a white picket fence kind of life, I have a great relationship with my folks and I think quite a lot has to do with the mandatory sit down dinners.

This is an actual picture of my family having dinner.

Of course this is not meant to look down on anyone, nor is it the answer to why people turn out the way they do.  I know lots of people that couldn't sit down together but still have a good family dynamic.  I just mean that this worked for us.

Ironically, the other day I was flipping through the channels and came across the biggest joke of a show, "The Secret Life of the American Teenager."  From what I understand this is a show about teens who get pregnant…how an entire show has been on the air about such a subject is beyond me, and I have even seen Chelsea Handler make a couple comments about it.  I will say that I am a fan of Shailene Woodley, though.  I loved her in "The Descendants."  Anyway, I stayed on the channel because of a conversation between a father and daughter about her not wanting to have dinner with her dad.  He was insisting and she kept saying she didn't feel like it.  I won't go into detail about what would have happened in my house had I given my own dad that response, but he was assertive and she finally said okay.  Just as I was about to continue on the channel journey another scene came up.  Two friends were talking about how they didn't want to have dinner with their parents either.  But this was the best part: someone had suggested putting the effort into having dinner as a family (I didn't see that part, but I gathered there had been some kind of parent and kid meeting or lecture…I didn't and don't really care).  So I had just seen a father insisting to have dinner with his daughter and two teenage kids say they didn't want to and they thought the whole idea was pointless.  Clearly the irony was lost on them.  The show is called "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" because they are keeping things from their parents.  In fact, a big story of the show is a high school girl having a child who is old enough to walk.

I am absolutely positively pro keeping things from parents.  I believe there should be a secret life for teenagers.  But clearly these kids were not sitting at the table with their parents for dinner!  I don't know much about the show, but from the previews and quips I have read.  Just as the show was moving on to yet another teen who didn't want to break bread with her family I changed the channel, but for many reasons: I didn't want to watch it, but mostly because unfortunately I am turning into my father and I just didn't want to listen to excuses from ungrateful teenagers.

People often ask me if I babysit because I dog sit.  Here is a very short list as to why I do not babysit:

• Kids annoy me.  Not all kids, but definitely kids I don't know.  The irony in this situation is that because of my casual and almost unimpressed behavior, kids are comfortable around me and don't leave me alone.  It's not that I don't like them, just super happy I don't have one.
• As a kid I never liked hearing things like, "because," and "you'll understand when you're older" and I swore I would never say things like that.  But those are the most important phrases in raising a kid, I've learned.  You simply can't have one without using those words.
• Dogs don't tell on me.

Of course much of this is exaggeration, and I do adore the kids in my life.  But at a restaurant or in a store where a kid is yelling or crying I am not so forgiving.  I went out for yogurt the other day and it was about 4 PM--the kids were out of school and so hyper and loud and just everywhere that I earned a pounding headache.  I don't expect kids to be quiet or not have any fun.  I just reserve the right to be annoyed.  But an understanding and compassionate annoyed: moms everywhere need a break from their kids and they certainly deserve one.  See, I have sympathy!  Like I said, I really do adore my friends' children.

I am not predicting the future, but I am probably doing the world a huge favor by not reproducing.  Seriously.

Just make sure that your family eats dinner together at least 2-3 times a week, if you can.

Confession: I chose this picture because it looks like boobs!  

Immature, maybe, but definitely funny.

P.S. I don't recommend dinner at my parent's house anymore.

This really is a picture of my parents' cat, and she really is on a set dinner table.

I sent it to the Ellen show but doubt she ever showed it.