Growing Up is Hard to Do
This is what stinks the most about growing up: it's nothing like the movies…at least in my experience, and quite a lot of people I know. There is no cool apartment, at least certainly not within a reasonable price range. Amazing clothes and makeup don't just appear, we have to max out our credit cards instead. Hot guys don't necessarily approach us, or they aren't interested if you're actually yourself. The best friend is rarely that loyal or constant in the real world, and our endings are not always so happy.
It's fairly reasonable to conclude that I believed all this stuff could actually happen. One thing I have noticed over the years is a common phrase, "this is a tough age." Since I was 12 years old I've been told this piece of wisdom from my elders. Over 18 years I've been told that each is "a tough age or time." Whether it's hard because you're being picked on, hard because you and your friends are growing apart, or you can't find a job despite a great college education. With all this peril I have decided to go with the tried and true phrase, "life is tough and unfair," and we just have to deal with it.
Admittedly, they have been difficult years, but that's possibly just me making things harder than necessary. It's so easy to look around at others and compare lives. He's a lawyer, she's a mom of 4, whatever, and you can only think, "I make a measly $30,000 a year, live in a tiny apartment and constantly struggling to make ends meet." At least, I do that a lot, and while I know comparing is not healthy it feels as if its everywhere laughing in your face. My parents still pitch in when I need help…my mom just bought me some new underwear, my dad gave me his car because it was paid off…but I can't stand needing them to. With this recent job loss they have jumped in and offered to help, certainly considering that I am in limbo financially: while my old account is closing, the new one is unaccessible because I don't yet have a card or checkbook. Plus, I just don't have money. When they offered I absolutely wanted to say yes, but also desperately want to be financially independent. The offer is still open, and fortunately I have some dog sitting jobs lined up. I would love it if I could afford my own place, (preferably enough space) buy nice clothes, go out and socialize and have a little left over. Isn't that what was supposed to happen? For years the whole gimmick has been that "30 is the new 20!"
Looking back on my life even 13 years ago, I can't remember where I thought I would be by the time I was 30. I imagine this was not it. I guess I believed I would be so happy in a job that I loved and it was all going to be easy. The real truth is probably that I really didn't think it through. Turned out I didn't love doing what I had studied in college. My living situation when I graduated was not all that fun--there wasn't a spunky roommate or cool apartment or fun parties. I was out of a job within six months because I didn't like it. Its kind of been downhill ever since you could say. Each apartment eventually became too small, socializing went from bars to weddings and friends seemed to age after having babies and life becomes too different. Am I supposed to start using anti-aging creams? Look into osteoporosis medication?
Another major thing I never thought about was dating. The klutzy girl is endearing or the guy hitting on you is not a Hollywood hunk, he's disgusting and won't take a hint. On TV the characters have new dates each week, and it's awful if they don't. I have always been pretty insecure around guys, and for a long time I was actually rude to any I met. In a movie a guy would keep persisting, not taking no for an answer no matter the faulty characteristic. It's nice to think that you can meet a guy by literally bumping into him somewhere, knocking all your papers all over the floor. Turns out men either help pick the papers up and move along.
Normally I can embrace all these different obstacles and look forward to my own experiences unfolding. But when life keeps on hitting you while you're down it can be much harder. And soon things will get better and then maybe turn into great. I don't think that people can change, but I do think we can grow. We can alter our way of thinking through examples and experiences. It can even be a little fun along the way. The key is to have lots of vodka, a great therapist and the right people around you.
Clearly has been my philosophy from the start.
It's fairly reasonable to conclude that I believed all this stuff could actually happen. One thing I have noticed over the years is a common phrase, "this is a tough age." Since I was 12 years old I've been told this piece of wisdom from my elders. Over 18 years I've been told that each is "a tough age or time." Whether it's hard because you're being picked on, hard because you and your friends are growing apart, or you can't find a job despite a great college education. With all this peril I have decided to go with the tried and true phrase, "life is tough and unfair," and we just have to deal with it.
Admittedly, they have been difficult years, but that's possibly just me making things harder than necessary. It's so easy to look around at others and compare lives. He's a lawyer, she's a mom of 4, whatever, and you can only think, "I make a measly $30,000 a year, live in a tiny apartment and constantly struggling to make ends meet." At least, I do that a lot, and while I know comparing is not healthy it feels as if its everywhere laughing in your face. My parents still pitch in when I need help…my mom just bought me some new underwear, my dad gave me his car because it was paid off…but I can't stand needing them to. With this recent job loss they have jumped in and offered to help, certainly considering that I am in limbo financially: while my old account is closing, the new one is unaccessible because I don't yet have a card or checkbook. Plus, I just don't have money. When they offered I absolutely wanted to say yes, but also desperately want to be financially independent. The offer is still open, and fortunately I have some dog sitting jobs lined up. I would love it if I could afford my own place, (preferably enough space) buy nice clothes, go out and socialize and have a little left over. Isn't that what was supposed to happen? For years the whole gimmick has been that "30 is the new 20!"
It can sometimes feel my life is going at this pace, which I guess is appropriate because I am 30.
Looking back on my life even 13 years ago, I can't remember where I thought I would be by the time I was 30. I imagine this was not it. I guess I believed I would be so happy in a job that I loved and it was all going to be easy. The real truth is probably that I really didn't think it through. Turned out I didn't love doing what I had studied in college. My living situation when I graduated was not all that fun--there wasn't a spunky roommate or cool apartment or fun parties. I was out of a job within six months because I didn't like it. Its kind of been downhill ever since you could say. Each apartment eventually became too small, socializing went from bars to weddings and friends seemed to age after having babies and life becomes too different. Am I supposed to start using anti-aging creams? Look into osteoporosis medication?
Another major thing I never thought about was dating. The klutzy girl is endearing or the guy hitting on you is not a Hollywood hunk, he's disgusting and won't take a hint. On TV the characters have new dates each week, and it's awful if they don't. I have always been pretty insecure around guys, and for a long time I was actually rude to any I met. In a movie a guy would keep persisting, not taking no for an answer no matter the faulty characteristic. It's nice to think that you can meet a guy by literally bumping into him somewhere, knocking all your papers all over the floor. Turns out men either help pick the papers up and move along.
Normally I can embrace all these different obstacles and look forward to my own experiences unfolding. But when life keeps on hitting you while you're down it can be much harder. And soon things will get better and then maybe turn into great. I don't think that people can change, but I do think we can grow. We can alter our way of thinking through examples and experiences. It can even be a little fun along the way. The key is to have lots of vodka, a great therapist and the right people around you.
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