How to Lose a Guy Before the First Date
I've been so hesitant to get out in the dating world. Either I was too insecure, couldn't keep up with the games involved or just never met anyone who inspired those kinds of feelings. But it really has been so long since I've even had a date that I became concerned people had started to question my sexuality (not that there's anything wrong with that!). I've done Match.com and met only jerks. I tried Zoosk (please don't ask why, I guess the commercial got me) and was totally creeped out by those guys. And I had a hard time kinda figuring out the app.
My friend CeCe had been on Tinder and was having fun flirting, even met a couple guys. So I thought I would get my toes wet and try it out. After a few days a seemingly cute guy named Mike started chatting me up. We hit it off pretty quickly--smart and a great sense of humor. Best part was he seemed to pick up on my sarcasm which is not something I have an easy time with. Plus, there was no greater feeling than seeing "It's a Match!" if you swiped right.
Our schedules were never matching up so it took a while to actually even set a date to meet. But we spent all day every day texting each other. It was so nice, having someone to talk to and getting to know. I felt a little wanted, even interesting. I was starting to understand what the fun parts of dating were like.
I'm not sure what happened next or where things went south. Maybe he came in the store where I work and didn't like what he saw. Maybe he confused me with someone else. Maybe he's married. Maybe this is all just another Catfish situation. Every possible scenario was going through my head. The insecurities I suffer from the most were winning and I was certain he had seen me and blown me off. I was devastated. Hurt. Embarrassed.
But then as quickly as he was gone he was back again. We had plans and were finally going out the next night. I was so relieved and felt excited that it might actually work out.
The next night came. And went. Not a word. Nothing. I had been so upset two days before that I chose the opposite side of the spectrum: something had come up and this was not going to be the end of our story. It was just my luck that he would be lying in a hospital bed with a burst appendix. But past experiences told me that I was being treated like shit.
Why share such an embarrassing story? I honestly don't know. Maybe so I can explain to someone--anyone--who I am. And, shamefully and humorously, if Mike does read this maybe he can understand that I am here if all he needs is a friend. Plus, there's a picture of me on this blog and I've been scared he went to the store where I work and mistook me for someone else!!!
I was sad and hurt and just very confused. And yeah, pretty pissed because I think I'm a great catch and there is nothing worse than knowing something and not being able to show or teach it! I have love to give, and compassion, and wouldn't mind having a partner in crime--especially one that makes me laugh. I want to be someone's safe place, companion and support system.
Three days went by before I heard from him again. No shit, this is what his line was: "Sup". In a text. I was so furious but at the same time so pathetically relieved that he was reaching out. That's the sickest part--I was ready to forget his disappearing act and go out if he asked! Dating is not for the faint of heart. It's not for the humble. I once got a fortune cookie that said, "Love is for the lucky and the brave". It feels so true. And what is braver than getting out there after being kicked while you're down?? Just put a Band-Aid on it and head back to the battlefield!
When you go for a long time without any type of affection or intimacy you are so vulnerable you'll take what you can get. You'll compromise even though you know you can do better. But what if you can't? And what if this is the only chance? And then you think, "if we can just get past this awkward part everything might fall into place". Maybe this is too self-righteous, but I know I am overdue for something really great. And if anything looks remotely like it, I've gotta chase the Hell out of it. I have to make it happen. This, whatever "it" is, has to be "it" because I simply cannot suffer anymore. Besides, I've seen enough romantic comedies to know that things have a 1% chance of ending out perfectly (and maybe Karma is finally coming around).
So while there were a million questions I wanted to ask I didn't want to spook him! Rihanna said it best, "Never underestimate a man's ability to make you feel guilty for his mistakes". I'd been in a relationship of that exact sort and have spent the past 10 years trying to learn from it and become a stronger, self-loving woman. We chatted via text, but I was doubting his sanity at this point. Is this guy a schizophrenic? A Catfish? After some terse and very limited banter, and as humiliating as this is to admit, I then asked him to come over for a drink that night. A couple hours later I asked if I was freaking him out. Then about 4 or 5 hours later (and a bottle of wine) I sent him a text that just said "I thought you liked me?" Pathetic, sad and desperate.
I know I came on strong--I know I should have played it much cooler. I am just impulsive, passionate and curious. Why it can sometimes (very rarely) be charming or show my sincerity in someone else, I can see how it can be too much in royal blue highlighted text.
Why invite a strange, possibly insane man over for an alcoholic drink? First, I was intrigued and was dying to see what had happened. Second, I was not about to suggest a place where I could be stood up so publicly. Third, I wasn't at my house--I was staying at someone's taking care of their dogs. And, fourth, because at this point I just didn't give 2 shits if he killed me or not! I was incredibly close to giving up anyway (meant for dramatic effect).
So what do I do? I know what I am supposed to do: not care, forget him and move on with my life. Am I so lonely that I cannot possibly keep any dignity or self-respect? Best case scenario I do hear from him and he actually shows up. Worst case I keep reaching out hoping he'll take the bait.
I need things spelled out for me. I cannot take a hint. And honestly, I can take whatever reason you don't like me. I'm tough enough for all that. But I would really, really like to know. It helps me know what to do in the future. No one has ever really taught me this stuff I don't think. Or maybe they have tried and I didn't listen. It's more likely the latter I'm sure.
I've heard that dating is not what it used to be. I wish it was. At least people knew what they were dealing with. If a guy asked you out, obviously he was into you. Now there's so much technology involved to meet someone, not to mention all the social media to tread through. So for now I am going to try to keep a wall around my heart. But I also know me, and I know I will probably reach out to him again. I have got absolutely nothing to lose.
Just in case: Mike, if you do read this and have made it this far, please call!
How's a girl supposed to know what to do when there are "inspirational" images and quotes out there? I mean, seriously:
BUT:
WTF????
Where do we draw the line? How should we know which one to heed and which one to avoid?
My friend CeCe had been on Tinder and was having fun flirting, even met a couple guys. So I thought I would get my toes wet and try it out. After a few days a seemingly cute guy named Mike started chatting me up. We hit it off pretty quickly--smart and a great sense of humor. Best part was he seemed to pick up on my sarcasm which is not something I have an easy time with. Plus, there was no greater feeling than seeing "It's a Match!" if you swiped right.
Our schedules were never matching up so it took a while to actually even set a date to meet. But we spent all day every day texting each other. It was so nice, having someone to talk to and getting to know. I felt a little wanted, even interesting. I was starting to understand what the fun parts of dating were like.
I'm not sure what happened next or where things went south. Maybe he came in the store where I work and didn't like what he saw. Maybe he confused me with someone else. Maybe he's married. Maybe this is all just another Catfish situation. Every possible scenario was going through my head. The insecurities I suffer from the most were winning and I was certain he had seen me and blown me off. I was devastated. Hurt. Embarrassed.
But then as quickly as he was gone he was back again. We had plans and were finally going out the next night. I was so relieved and felt excited that it might actually work out.
The next night came. And went. Not a word. Nothing. I had been so upset two days before that I chose the opposite side of the spectrum: something had come up and this was not going to be the end of our story. It was just my luck that he would be lying in a hospital bed with a burst appendix. But past experiences told me that I was being treated like shit.
Why share such an embarrassing story? I honestly don't know. Maybe so I can explain to someone--anyone--who I am. And, shamefully and humorously, if Mike does read this maybe he can understand that I am here if all he needs is a friend. Plus, there's a picture of me on this blog and I've been scared he went to the store where I work and mistook me for someone else!!!
I was sad and hurt and just very confused. And yeah, pretty pissed because I think I'm a great catch and there is nothing worse than knowing something and not being able to show or teach it! I have love to give, and compassion, and wouldn't mind having a partner in crime--especially one that makes me laugh. I want to be someone's safe place, companion and support system.
Three days went by before I heard from him again. No shit, this is what his line was: "Sup". In a text. I was so furious but at the same time so pathetically relieved that he was reaching out. That's the sickest part--I was ready to forget his disappearing act and go out if he asked! Dating is not for the faint of heart. It's not for the humble. I once got a fortune cookie that said, "Love is for the lucky and the brave". It feels so true. And what is braver than getting out there after being kicked while you're down?? Just put a Band-Aid on it and head back to the battlefield!
When you go for a long time without any type of affection or intimacy you are so vulnerable you'll take what you can get. You'll compromise even though you know you can do better. But what if you can't? And what if this is the only chance? And then you think, "if we can just get past this awkward part everything might fall into place". Maybe this is too self-righteous, but I know I am overdue for something really great. And if anything looks remotely like it, I've gotta chase the Hell out of it. I have to make it happen. This, whatever "it" is, has to be "it" because I simply cannot suffer anymore. Besides, I've seen enough romantic comedies to know that things have a 1% chance of ending out perfectly (and maybe Karma is finally coming around).
So while there were a million questions I wanted to ask I didn't want to spook him! Rihanna said it best, "Never underestimate a man's ability to make you feel guilty for his mistakes". I'd been in a relationship of that exact sort and have spent the past 10 years trying to learn from it and become a stronger, self-loving woman. We chatted via text, but I was doubting his sanity at this point. Is this guy a schizophrenic? A Catfish? After some terse and very limited banter, and as humiliating as this is to admit, I then asked him to come over for a drink that night. A couple hours later I asked if I was freaking him out. Then about 4 or 5 hours later (and a bottle of wine) I sent him a text that just said "I thought you liked me?" Pathetic, sad and desperate.
I know I came on strong--I know I should have played it much cooler. I am just impulsive, passionate and curious. Why it can sometimes (very rarely) be charming or show my sincerity in someone else, I can see how it can be too much in royal blue highlighted text.
Why invite a strange, possibly insane man over for an alcoholic drink? First, I was intrigued and was dying to see what had happened. Second, I was not about to suggest a place where I could be stood up so publicly. Third, I wasn't at my house--I was staying at someone's taking care of their dogs. And, fourth, because at this point I just didn't give 2 shits if he killed me or not! I was incredibly close to giving up anyway (meant for dramatic effect).
So what do I do? I know what I am supposed to do: not care, forget him and move on with my life. Am I so lonely that I cannot possibly keep any dignity or self-respect? Best case scenario I do hear from him and he actually shows up. Worst case I keep reaching out hoping he'll take the bait.
I need things spelled out for me. I cannot take a hint. And honestly, I can take whatever reason you don't like me. I'm tough enough for all that. But I would really, really like to know. It helps me know what to do in the future. No one has ever really taught me this stuff I don't think. Or maybe they have tried and I didn't listen. It's more likely the latter I'm sure.
I've heard that dating is not what it used to be. I wish it was. At least people knew what they were dealing with. If a guy asked you out, obviously he was into you. Now there's so much technology involved to meet someone, not to mention all the social media to tread through. So for now I am going to try to keep a wall around my heart. But I also know me, and I know I will probably reach out to him again. I have got absolutely nothing to lose.
Just in case: Mike, if you do read this and have made it this far, please call!
How's a girl supposed to know what to do when there are "inspirational" images and quotes out there? I mean, seriously:
BUT:
WTF????
Where do we draw the line? How should we know which one to heed and which one to avoid?
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