I'll be OK...Just not Today...Or Tomorrow

 I mentioned I got married. Well just to emphasize the name of this blog, I am sharing the silly little existence that is me.

It didn't work out for us. We tried. But 3 1/2 years later and my little family is no mas.  It's heartbreaking. It's confusing. Painful, a little embarrassing and worst of all, its HARD. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would get divorced. Get this: not one person on my dad's side of the family has ever been divorced. Well, one couple--but they GOT BACK TOGETHER! 

So I find myself in this predicament of feeling like a failure. But truthfully, I can look back and know that I really, really tried to make it work. I am sure he did, too, but we have different backgrounds, different love languages and the worst: different senses of humor. Killer.

Things are as amicable as can be, but we do have the occasional heated argument about having had really heated arguments! He is taking five ever to move out, so I am painfully and slowly watching the demise of my time with this man who I thought was my person. He can be so kind. He is so incredibly handy around the house, and he is handsome. I'll never say we just stopped loving each other or the attraction was gone. In fact, we have gotten along better the past few weeks than possibly our entire relationship. 

Here is what truly sucks about a breakup: you lose your best friend. You lose your normalcy, whether it was enjoyable or not. Tonight I found myself breaking down in tears because I realized in a couple nights he will legit be gone and I won't know what to do. It always bugged me that we didn't have date nights, but honestly, for a long time we just couldn't afford it. He's a homebody. I like to get out and try new places, have dinners and drinks with friends. It just wasn't something that was a priority though. I could write a letter of recommendation for this man (with a few "just so you knows") because he deserves to be happy and to find his match. We all do. Except maybe Jeffrey Dahmer...too MANY matches, possibly??

Looking back: was this a match made in heaven that was supposed to end happily ever after? I'm not sure. But neither of us thought forever was too long. I think back to when we started dating, and I could tell he didn't fit the "mold" I had always imagined in a partner, but I just changed my perspective about any romantic notion of soul mates and the "meet cute" (Truly, my life has never once represented a romantic comedy anyway).

There is a policy that I definitely try to live by: no regrets. I have 2, but that is for another day. I don't and will never regret a single moment I spent with this man, no matter how hard things may have gotten. But life is short and should we really spend it trying to change each other?

And by the way that old adage is true -- you know who your friends are when you're down for the count. Family, too. So, what is next for me, for him? Too early to tell. Check back in a while.